#IDAHOBIT2025: Tips to connect with LGBTQIA+ community while cutting down or quitting drugs or alcohol

Finn shares tips to navigate LGBTQIA+ social spaces when you decide to quit or cut down on substance use.

IDAHOBIT is the International Day against LGBTQIA+ Discrimination! To mark the occasion our colleague Finn Mercury (RN/RM) (he/they) has kindly shared his thoughts on how LGBTQIA+ people can continue to embrace community experiences when they decide to cut down or quit drinking or doing drugs. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts Finn! 

IDAHOBIT banner: Go Rainbow Against Discrimination. Smiling people wave the Progress Pride Flag

The team at Counselling Online stands against discrimination every day of the year. Our team spans the gender and sexuality spectrum. We celebrate the diversity of the LGBTQIA+ community and are committed to providing safe, welcoming, affirming support for everyone, recognising that we are all responsible for making a difference.

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Connecting with LGBTQIA+ community when you’re pursuing change
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Connecting with LGBTQIA+ community when you’re pursuing change

For many LGBTQIA+ people, alcohol and drug use can sometimes feel closely tied to social connection — from nights out to community events. As we mark IDAHOBIT Day (May 17), it's important to recognise that every LGBTQIA+ person deserves to feel connected, affirmed, and included — whether or not substances are part of their life.

If you're thinking about cutting down, quitting, or changing your relationship with substances, you might worry about feeling isolated or awkward in social spaces. These feelings are valid — and you're not alone.

Here are some practical tips for navigating this journey:

1. Reframe what social connections can look like

Remember: real, meaningful connection isn’t about drinking or using — it’s about being seen, accepted, and valued. Focus on activities and people that make you feel good about yourself, not pressured. For some people, letting their support network know that they are cutting back or stopping their use of alcohol and other drugs can be really helpful.

2. Practice your response

If you feel comfortable, you might plan a simple response for when someone offers you a drink or substance. Even just “I’m good, thanks” or “not tonight” can be enough — no explanation needed. If you need to make up an excuse, that’s fine too!

3. Connect with supportive people

Friends, chosen family, peer support groups, or counsellors who understand the intersections of LGBTQIA+ identity and substance use can make a huge difference.

If you’re not ready to talk about this with your friends, seek LGBTQIA+-inclusive support services —  get in touch with QLife, the national LGBTQIA+ peer support helpline, or consider attending a meeting:

If you’re unsure about seeking support, check out my tips for advocating for safe and inclusive care.

4. Seek out sober-friendly spaces

Keep an eye out for alcohol-free nightlife events that crop up in your city. It’s true that it can sometimes feel like every queer event is centred around alcohol and/or drug taking, but there are plenty of spaces and events where this isn’t the case. All over the country there are LGBTQIA+ hiking groups, art collectives, movie groups, book clubs, games nights and all sorts of other special interest spaces that are either accidentally or intentionally AOD-free. These can be a great way to stay connected without feeling like you have to compromise your goals.

5. We’re here for you

Don’t worry: you’re not alone. You can stay connected with your community and pursue the change you want to see in your life.

If you need to talk about it, we’re always here. At Counselling Online, we’re committed to providing affirming, non-judgmental support — wherever you're at on your journey. Feel free to reach out to us any time. Our online chat service is free, confidential, and 24/7.